Hearts of Hope for a Cure

I HOPE...

I hope you never have to hear the words,

"Your child has cancer."

I hope you never have to hear,

"the prognosis is not good."

I hope you never have to prepare to undergo radiation or chemotherapy,

have a port surgically inserted into their chest,

be connected to IV poles.

Look at you with fear in their eyes and say,

"Don't worry Mom, everything will be okay."

I hope you never have to hold your child as they vomit green bile,

I hope you never have to feed them ice chips for lunch,

I hope you never have to watch the "cure" you pray for slowly take away their identity,

as they,

lose their hair,

become skeletal,

swell up from steroids,

become barely or unable to walk or move,

and look at you with hope in their eyes and say,

"It's going to be okay, Mom."

I hope you never have to stay in the hospital for weeks, months or years at a time,

where there is no privacy, sleeping on a slab, with your face to the wall,

where you cry in muffled silence.

I hope you never have to see a Mother, alone, huddled, in a dark hospital corridor... crying quietly,

after just being told, "there is nothing more we can do."

I hope you never have to use every bit of energy you have left, with all of this going on around you to remain positive, and the feelings of guilt, sorrow, hope and fear, overwhelm you.

I hope you never have to see a child's head bolted to a table as they receive radiation.

I hope you never have to take your child home

(grateful but so afraid)

in a wheelchair because the chemo and radiation has damaged their muscles,

35 pounds lighter,

pale, bald, and scarred.

And they look at you with faith in their eyes and say,

"It's going to be okay, Mom."

I hope you never have to watch a family wandering aimlessly,

minutes after their child's body has been removed.

I hope you never have to face the few friends that have stuck by you and hear them say,

"Thank God, this is over with,"

....because you know it never will be.

Your life becomes a whirl of Doctors, Blood Tests, MRI's, Spinal Taps and Bone Marrow Biopsies. And you try to get your life back to "normal".

While living in mind-numbing fear that any one of these tests could result in hearing the dreaded words...

"The cancer has returned" or "the tumor is growing".

And your friends become even fewer.

I hope you never have to experience any of these things... Because... only then...

Will you understand...

Written by: Carol Baan

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~